the more things change . . .

The holidays abound with rituals and traditions. We can grow so attached to them that we forget how they came to be and why we do them, especially if something has changed this year – and something always changes.

To begin, sort out the rituals from the traditions. Rituals are typically more devotional practices while traditions are long-standing ways of doing things. Religious practice is full of rituals. You know this if you attend services in your church or temple. Perhaps, at home, you say grace before you eat your food. That’s a ritual. So is praying before lighting candles or blessing your tree. Non-religious rituals may include reading A Visit From St. Nicholas on Christmas Eve or kissing under mistletoe.

Traditions include decorating your home in a particular way or with cherished ornaments. Maybe you always make a gingerbread house in December. Or you prepare certain foods with family recipes or host a party or meet friends every year on the solstice.

All of this can be fun. It can be grounding. It reminds us of the things we cherish – family, friends, the gifts we’ve been given – and it’s all part of the holiday spirit. But normal life goes on which means things always change; a loved one has passed on during the year, or maybe things changed at work. Even so-called good events can bring challenges. You’re in love and you’re bringing your new partner home to meet the family. You bought a bigger place, and you want to host the gang this year.

For some of us, it can be very hard to let go of the way things are done. If that is you, give yourself some slack. And, if you see it in a friend or family member, give them some slack. Because life forces us to face itself all the time. So, this year, maybe someone new has to read the traditional prayer or story. Maybe the food is going to be different or someone new is preparing it. Maybe we gather at a different place now. Remember that all your cherished traditions started somewhere. They were once new before they became the way we’ve always done it. You can keep traditions even as you adapt them.

Focus on allowing room for traditions to grow. Remember why you gather and why you give, and that nothing lasts forever. It will be January before you know it. Enjoy what is given and available while you can. And always, be kind to yourself and to others.    

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12/9/2024